ALTO'S ODYSSEY

"Just off to the shops for some...sandwiches! Sand, see? We're in a desert! Ha ha h-I'll get me poncho."

As well as being the name of a band of elderly men who regrettably dress in lewd clothing, 'KISS' is also an acronym for the phrase 'keep it simple, stupid'. Which is ironic, as it'd be a lot simpler to just say that than say 'KISS' and then have to explain it every time you meet someone who hasn't heard of it. Also, they might initially think you want to kiss them, which could lead to all manner of hilarious 1980s BBC sitcom-style situations.

Regardless, the 'simplicity = good' intent is sound enough and certainly true when it comes to mobile phone games. Not overcomplicating things when you don't have physical controls is always a decent idea, as anyone who has tried to play a phone-based FPS will testify to. Most of your screen ends up obscured with virtual buttons, and after even a short burst of virtual joypadding you'll usually need to pause the game to clean off thumb grease to ensure everything stays responsive.

And that's just with your normal skin - don't even THINK about starting a game like that within an hour of eating a packet of crisps. A few seconds of being daubed with your oily digits, and it's the equivalent of playing on a home console where your TV screen has been liberally coated in Mazola.

That's why mobile games that need the minimum of interaction to control are this: the best. And Alto's Odyssey is one of the best of this best of bunch.

"Given the warm weather, I'm honestly starting to think the scarf was a mistake..."

Alto's Odyssey is essentially an endless runner-type game disguised as a snowboarding game, albeit on sand in this case. You have one 'button' (the screen) for the most part that makes you jump. Hold it down when you're in the air and you'll do a backflip. Hold it down against a grindable rock wall and you'll grind up it (which throws the law of gravity out of the window a bit, but in a game where you're constantly sliding downhill forever that's probably the least of our worries). There are simple power ups such as crash recovery items and, later, a wingsuit to allow for extra flips, and different characters to unlock who have differing attributes, but nothing that drastically affects the core gameplay of slidey-downeyness.

So really, that's basically it. But: saying 'that's basically it' is also criminally underselling the game.

The brilliance of Alto is how well it makes these simple mechanics work given the game is generating landscapes on the fly. Like the very best Mario titles, whenever you come a cropper you never feel hard done by - it's always your fault you mistimed your jump and hit a rock or failed to clear a chasm and you always feel like you'll be able to nail it next time. This is in stark contrast to many a mobile game, where iffy controls and/or iffy programming make it feel like you've got as much control as someone playing darts while wearing oven gloves and rollerblades.

There aren't any enemies in the game bar environmental hazards, with the exception of lemurs. Startle a lemur, and for some reason it will pursue you until it either catches you and kills you or it falls down a canyon like the idiot semi-monkey it is. And if you don't think lemurs are that violent, you'd be wrong - once at a safari park we spotted a lemur in the enclosure who had a missing arm. A passing zookeeper heard us talking and told us that the lemur in question had got a bit too cocky once and challenged the chief, and the alpha lemur had literally ripped his arm off and hit him round the head with it, Viz-style.

You didn't see THAT in Madagascar, did you?

"Granted I'm no air traffic controller, but this CAN'T be an optimal use of airspace?"

Murderous primate goading aside, the other element that will keep you coming back again and again are the challenges. These are issued 3 at a time (clear each batch and you go up a level) and can see you having to perform certain stunts, travel a set distance without stacking it, grind a specific bit of scenery and so on. These start simple but by level 20 or so they get fairly tricky. But again, always do-able - they never feel like artificial longevity barriers that have been made absurdly hard purely to impede progress.

Given the game has been out for a couple of months now (on iOS anyway - an Android version is still forthcoming), you might wonder why I'm reviewing it at all. Well the simple answer is, I realised the other day that this is the game I've been playing the most these last few months and so it probably deserved it. And I'm not playing it that much purely because of convenience either (although as it's on my phone that's undeniably a boon - not many people have a PS4 in their lavatory, after all). It's because I really, really enjoy it.

The ever-changing graphics are gorgeous. The music is calm and unintrusive, which is no mean feat given it's a loop of one track. But most of all it's just nice to play - really, really nice. It's fun, there's no massive pressure to do anything, no absurd, needless plot flapping along and no being pestered with microtransactions, adverts, side quests or the like. It's the gaming equivalent of a lovely Sunday evening radio show that plays chill-out music - and not one on a commercial network, where you'll be feeling all zen one minute and then listening to a pair of z-list actors fumble out a cack-handed joke about double glazing the next.

"This is going to hurt, isn't it?"

It's also an evolution of the endless runner in that it allows you to play it for longer if you wish. A lot of the 'classics' of this genre such as Jetpack Joyride are undoubtably fun, but enforce the short burst playstyle by increasing their speed until they're unplayable by all but the most heavily caffeinated of obsessive Korean gaming-addicted children. But here there's no difficulty ramp-up or need to have the twitch responses of a nervy bluebottle. You just keep going until you mess up, or you've just had enough.

Chances are you won't have enough of it for a very long time though, because it's great. And if you like great games that are fun to play and an absolute bargain, well then it's a no-brainer.

Some people might baulk at the fact that it's a mobile game you have to pay for, of course. But then it's worth bearing in mind that those people are also complete morons. You don't expect quality and no adverts and no microtransactions for nowt, unless you're an unreasonable, grasping bumface.

Please, sir or madam: don't be a bumface. No one likes a bumface.